02.02.2022

The Arrival Gap | Fairness | In Your Control

Hello there! Welcome to my weekly LEAPS. 

You’re receiving this email because you subscribed to my weekly Wednesday feature or our mailing list. Every Wednesday, I share 5 things using our LEAPS approach: 

Learn: something new or an idea
Energy: something that’s creating an energy and positive impact
Action: something to do
Processing: a question to consider
Shout out: something or someone that I want to celebrate or acknowledge

Have you taken the GLAS Understanding Assessment
and received your free report?

LEARN
Something Worth Sharing

The Arrival Gap

A good number of years ago, I carried out a Management Buy Out within our family business. It was a challenging time - given that I also restructured the Board of Directors and removed two family members from the business. As you can imagine, it needed handling delicately (that’s putting it mildly), and so everything was extremely well planned and considered. I’d thought of everything and had the best possible team of advisers around me, including lawyers and accountants.

The final day of the process had arrived and it was the day my Uncle left the business - after 40 years. As expected, it was a subdued day signalling the sad end of a chapter and the beginning of a new and exciting one. I’d worked hard to make sure we did it in the most respectful way possible, but it was the day I learned about the “arrival gap”.

When we have children, we plan everything - we have the experts (midwives and Grandparents), the birthing plan, the vision for how we wish to raise the child, the food we’ll give them, the nursery decor etc. and yet, when they arrive there is a gap. The gap is the reality and most importantly, our feelings along with the ‘and now what?’. The day that my Uncle left the business for the final time, the ‘arrival gap’ was full of pain and grief - the realisation that our relationship was lost. When, more recently, I sold a business, again I considered everything except the ‘arrival gap’. When the deal completed the arrival gap was that I felt flat and didn’t know “and now what next?”.

Whether it’s weight loss, moving house, a holiday, a job, a dog, a wedding… they all come with an “arrival gap”. It’s the thing that you can’t imagine or plan for - it’s the feelings you have, along with the ‘and now what?’. Planning and a vision are great, but be ready for the unknown and unexpected feelings.

ENERGY
Focusing on an emotion or positive energy; a stand-out word / s

Fairness

Today would have been my paternal grandpa’s birthday - he would have been 101. He was wise, courageous and the most kind-hearted person I have ever known. He also stood for equality and fairness for all. He inspired today’s ‘energy word’ of FAIRNESS.

Fair originates from Old English fæger meaning "pleasing to the sight (of persons and body features, also of objects, places, etc.); beautiful, handsome, attractive, of weather, bright, clear, pleasant; not rainy". It later also meant "morally good".

Fair play was used c.1300 and meant "pleasant amusement," whereby foul play was "sinful amusement". Fairness appeared in the English language later - around 1500 - meaning "even-handedness, impartiality" based on FAIR “beauty" + NESS “quality of”.

ACTION
Something small that you can do that might make a big difference

Play or Colour In

I was chatting to a lovely new contact this week about our shared love of drawing. We both felt that it was a shame that so many lose the joy of colouring and playing when they leave school - and yet it’s a vital thing that we need as humans. From living in caves, the whole tribe would play and draw - albeit on the wall! - give it a go, play a game, sketch, paint or try a new craft! Find your inner child and let them play a little.

PROCESSING
A question to think about and consider (you can discuss this with someone or write your thoughts down)

“What is within your control? What can you not control?”

This is such a valuable question - especially for those of us that enjoy the feeling of being in control! If you consider the first part of the question, we consider the things that we can control - such as what we choose to read and watch and who we surround ourselves with.

The interesting next part of the question is considering all the things we can’t control. This calls for some brutal honesty and understanding that we can’t control what people think of us, for example.

SHOUT OUT
Who / what I think deserves recognition, my gratitude or to be celebrated.

The Turning Seasons

I’m sat looking out of the window at a most glorious blue sky and the hope of all that Spring can offer. The mornings are a little lighter now and the evenings seem to resist the darkness - for a brief while at least.

The turning seasons always remind me of how incredible nature is and that everything keeps moving and growing even when we feel low, stuck or frustrated. Whether we are here or not, the seasons will keep rolling on without end or beginning. When I’m struggling, I always take inspiration from what Mother Nature can teach us. So, I guess the real shout out has to be to her!

BONUS GIFT FOR YOU
This week’s little extra for you - from me

This week, I’m highly recommending a very short book for you. This is the classic book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s beautiful and a simple reminder of just 4 key things to live by:

1. Be impeccable with your words

2. Don’t take things personally

3. Don’t make assumptions

4. Always do your best

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LEAPS is a process used by our team and clients all the time - and even my own family on a daily basis. 

I’ll be sharing a set of LEAPS each week with you and encourage you to do your own version:

• L: what have you learned?

• E: what’s your energy / feeling word

• A: what’s one thing you need to do?

• P: what are you thinking / processing?

• S: who or what can you shout out?