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07.12.2022

Tough Conversations Worth Having | Embarrass | Earliest Experiences

Hello there! Welcome to my weekly LEAPS. 

You’re receiving this email because you subscribed to my weekly Wednesday feature or our mailing list. Every Wednesday, I share 5 things using our LEAPS approach: 

Learn: something new or an idea
Energy: something that’s creating an energy and positive impact
Action: something to do
Processing: a question to consider
Shout out: something or someone that I want to celebrate or acknowledge

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LEARN
Something Worth Sharing

The Tough Conversations Worth Having

One of my very closest friends has a podcast aimed at women facing - and experiencing - the menopause (she does a whole lot more than that as a fully qualified nutritionist!). Last week’s episode caught my attention, more than usual - the title was: “Let’s Talk About Sex”.

During the conversation between Wendy and her guest Sam (founder of Jo Divine), they said something that reminded me of something we often talk to clients about - the need for tough conversations. But why are we so afraid to talk about certain things? The toughest of conversations are generally:

1. finances and money

2. sex and intimacy

3. beliefs, roles, fairness and expectations

Each of these three things is as basic as humanity itself and is linked to the need for survival; originally money would have been more about resources and gathering what’s needed to survive, sex was to ensure a next generation in case we didn’t survive and roles were also linked to natural succession. So if they are so important, why do we avoid talking about them? It’s usually due to another very primitive need - our need to be accepted and not rejected by our tribe.

Of course we don’t live in caves any more, however we still get caught up and fail to really have the tough conversations. It is still through fear of rejection - along with judgement, embarrassment and past experiences that form beliefs about ourselves. Each of the three categories listed above - while once focused on basic survival - can impact us today, albeit in: our careers, friendships, families, sport, businesses etc. In family businesses, we certainly see the extremes of these things!

Don’t let the elephants enter the room, dare to have a tough - and important - conversation.

ENERGY
Focusing on an emotion or positive energy; a stand-out word / s

Embarrass

Continuing on from the ‘tough conversations’ above, I mentioned embarrassment as one of the things that often gets in the way. The reason for this has a clue in the word’s etymology.

Embarrass originates from French EMBARRASSER meaning "to block". The word is from assimilated form IN "into, upon" + Vulgar Latin BARRA meaning “bar”.

Fear of embarrassment creates a temporary barrier to moving forwards, but is a short-term state of emotion we can overcome. As Brene Brown describes it, when we do something embarrassing, we know we’re not the only ones who have done that thing. This is very different to shame which makes us feel completely alone.

ACTION
Something small that you can do that might make a big difference

Think About What You’re Not Saying

I was tempted to suggest that you have a tough conversation this week, however that isn’t easy - hence the reason for calling them ‘tough’ conversations. So how about you take a small step and think about the things - and reasons - you are avoiding saying something? It is usually rooted in your past experiences and beliefs, such as your upbringing and earliest memories of money impacting how you feel about it now.

PROCESSING
A question to think about and consider (you can discuss this with someone or write your thoughts down)

“What’s my earliest memory of being embarrassed?”

Writing the definition of embarrassment led me to think about when I first remember being embarrassed. For most of us, this may have been something at school. Has the experience continued to be something you’re aware of or impactful in your adult life (even sub-consciously)?

SHOUT OUT
Who / what I think deserves recognition, my gratitude or to be celebrated.

Wendy and Sam

I don’t often shout out individuals in this section of the weekly LEAPS, but I had to given that Sam Evans and Wendy Hill inspired much of the content this week. Sam, as co-founder of sex toy website Jo Divine, was also a nurse in a past life and is referred to as an intimate health and pleasure expert. She has featured on TV and radio - including being along side Davina McCall. I’ll be honest, I’d never heard of her until my amazing friend and GLAS licence holder Wendy Hill was brave enough to interview Sam on her podcast.

The shout out is to them both separately for being experts in their respective areas of interest, and for both wanting to help others. It is also for their joint ability to normalise a sensitive set of topics in the podcast - and remind me that we really do need to get over ourselves for our own sake! Thank you ladies, awesome job!

BONUS GIFT FOR YOU
This week’s little extra for you - from me

This week I’m providing you with a free download (using the code below) for my visual synopsis of, COMMUNICATION by Harvard Business Review Press.

The visual synopsis below is gifted to you for free (for 7 days) using code: LETSTALK when you check out. Access is via the link below.

The artwork featured in this section is all copyrighted and for private use only. If you wish to use these online, features or in presentations etc - we are happy to discuss licences.

If you’d like to discuss having your ideas, business or culture captured visually - you can also let me know via email.

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Order Your Deliberate Year Calendar & Logbook Set

LEAPS is a process used by our team and clients all the time - and even my own family on a daily basis. 

I’ll be sharing a set of LEAPS each week with you and encourage you to do your own version:

• L: what have you learned?

• E: what’s your energy / feeling word

• A: what’s one thing you need to do?

• P: what are you thinking / processing?

• S: who or what can you shout out?